Annoying Office Quotes From Linkedin Users On Media Plant

Linkedin Contributions: Funny Office Sayings

Further to the 50 Funny Office Quotes post we published last month here on the Media Plant Blog. I tried a little experiment which meant submitting the post to a group on Linkedin.

I simply submitted a question to the UK Marketing Network Group entitled thus:

Ridiculous Office Sayings! Do you have one?

Everyone has one, what’s your favourite office saying not the TV show we are talking about real life! Heard them before or have a new one? Chime in and let others know!

Well, the response was quite surprising, to say the least, some of the contributions were quite frankly hilarious, especially as they had been used in a real-world office environment and not made up hearsay!

The conversation also led to annoying things said in the office in general as well. We all have a pet peeve…..

Without further ado, let’s take a look at the contributors and their subsequent contributions on Linkedin.

Let’s give it 110%, 200%, etc. Any percentage above 100 annoys me. If you are taking it above 100, where do you stop? 100% is enough for me.

Simon @ PRG Publicity

 

‘Sharpen your pencils guys’ argh gets me every time!

Debbie @ TriConnex

 

Our chairman calls promotional gifts (branded pens etc) “Marital Aids”

Sophie @ Biopharma

 

Anyone ever played ‘B*******t Bingo’. You tick off all the ‘let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes’, ‘let’s get our ducks in a row’, ‘singing from the same hymn sheet’ nonsense, until you get a winner. On a personal note i think it behoves anyone who works in communications to avoid cliches (like the plague lol).

Nick @ Sonaa

 

 “Thanks for reaching out” in response to an email or phone call – arrrgghhhhh!

Chris @ ReallyB2B

 

My favourite has to be “Let’s eat the other guy’s lunch”. I heard this at a sales conference a few years ago. Fortunately it was mid-afternoon when this order was issued.

Jeff @ Kärcher UK

 

“Let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes!” I’m in marketing and even I cringe at that one.

Sean @ NetXtra

 

“We like jargon because it makes us feel special. How pathetic is that?” Quote from a book by Tim Phillips titled Talk Normal. I would recommend it to all who genuinely don’t like this kind of stuff like me. It’s refreshing to read younger people hate it too – I thought it was an ‘age thing’. Make every effort to talk at work like you do at home and maybe, just maybe we can make a contribution to cutting this sort of rubbish out in the work place?

Stewart @ Linkedin Profile 

 

My favourite – let’s have an ideas jacuzzi – didn’t feel very creative after that!

Alona @ Prospects

 

 Brainstorm…oops can’t use that now. Politically not correct. Management speak gets me on my nerves. I love the phrase B*******t Bingo 🙂

Bina @ Future Inns UK

 

My top ten are:

1. Paradigm shift
2. Win-Win
3. Low hanging fruit
4. Failure is not an option
5. Hit the ground running
6. You’ve got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet
7. Don’t have the bandwidth
8. Work-life balance – Ha! (if only)
9. Eat our own dog food
10.Elevator speech

That’s enough for now, I’ve got to take “an offline meeting!”

Rob @ WSI Digital

 

 I have never seen the funny side of “what’s our USP?” – usually because I’m the one that’s expected to know the answer!

Alastair @ Market Impact Digital Media

 

“I’ll send this from myself to yourself ..” etc

Graeme @ STO Consulting

 

Blue-sky thinking – it’s so old but still used!

Rachel @ Informatica

 

my door is always open…. so untrue when so often it is closed.

Caroline @ Linkedin Profile

 

“Apple”…. If the two guys in my office compare another saying, product, situation, to Apple….I will eat my pears!!

Julie @ Strawberry Studio

 

When trying to apply logic to an irrational argument “after all, how does the driver of the snow plough get to work”! Lots of nodding heads but no comprehension!

Vince @ Eaga Heating PLC

 

Two that drive me bonkers are “it is what it is” (Well, duh? what else could it be…?) and “well, it’s like anything, isn’t it?” I can think of any number of objects and situations that do not resemble each other in any way whatsoever.

Tony @ Tony Coll & Associates 

 

‘Dazzle ’em with diamonds or baffle ’em with b*******t. If you’re in the latter category it’s always best to go for two decimal points. ‘Growth in yield is forecast at 6.55% period on period’ sounds as if you’re an expert. Then cap it by saying ‘but that’s a strawman assumption’. Now no one knows what you’re talking about – but they are dazzled!

Nolan @ Ramboll

 

An IT project manager once told me that sometimes when he was “parachuted into an organisation it was a case of start the heart, stop the bleeding and treat for shock”. Crikey!

Robert @ The Telemarketing Company

 

 “can I just say” when its that persons turn to speak anyway, or “I don’t mean to be rude” just before your insult comes

Lesley @ Orient Express

 

A term I’ve heard recently which does get used in the work space, and makes me cringe is “I heart it” or ‘We heart xxx” meaning I/we love it (it touches at a deeper level).

One of my faves is ‘We’re just taking an aerial view at the moment, and maybe we’ll do the drill down once …..”

And when something ‘hoves into view’, (a favourite of Ken Livingstone) I groan, as I do when someone asks me ‘Can you do me a favour?’

Mark @ Markman OTW

 

One that really grated recently with me was ‘I’ll revert back’…..to what? a frog? a prince? He was actually saying he will feedback to me when he had a better idea of what was happening but I had to read it twice before getting it!

Pam @ White Knight Marketing

 

So, ‘Here’s the thing’

Chrissy @ Direct Experience

 

We have one: keep it in your top pocket for later!!!

Martin @ Wesleyan

 

Someone in an organisation I worked for referred to everything with a car metaphor – down to the type of car he feels the prospect is and even what sort of “added extras” they may purchase…alloy wheels, heated seats….. leopard skin interior….fluffy dice!?!..the list goes on and to be honest it got on our wick!! (Besides the fact that led into a half hour discussion about cars which boar no relevance to the meeting we were supposed to be having!)  Dear me the hours that were wasted on listening to him…!!

Esther @ Comtec Presentations

 

“Until the cows come home”.  I’m in Recruitment Advertising. I’m in Marketing. I’m in Social Media. Unless used in a farming context, this is a ridiculous thing to say in our office.

“Ping you an email”.

My PC doesn’t have speakers and therefore is unable to register your “ping”.

Ben @ Onlymarketingjobs.com

 

How about well known sayings and cliches that are quoted incorrectly? They’re even better.

As an example I loved the Del Boy one – “The world is our lobster Rodney”

I’ve heard better in real life but I better be careful repeating them here as ‘walls have ears’ (I know, I found one in my pork pie).

David @ Infinite Group

 

An IT project manager once told me that sometimes when he was “parachuted into an organisation it was a case of start the heart, stop the bleeding and treat for shock”. No doubt he was “up to his neck in muck and bullets”. I actually quite liked that one when I heard it, so over the top it’s comical.

Robert @ The Telemarketing Company

 

I just wanted to say a massive hearty thank you to all those who left a comment and joined in the fun on the Linkedin group discussion.

It’s been great getting everyone’s input and some real eye openers were revealed! Remember if you ever hear any of the above or indeed from our post on 50 Funny Office sayings do leave a comment and let the discussion continue!

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